Despite the TW, this isn't a cry for help. No. Not at all. I'm still sane and I'm still okay. I highly recommend reading something else if you still have your faith, because things are gonna get depressing.

As implied, a few days ago, I lost my faith. Something came up in the beginning of the month that got my attention later on. It reminded me that no matter what, I can't seek justice for something I'm not allowed to speak on. I believe now that God rewards those who are evil. Despite this belief, I have nothing against God, nor will I question why he chooses to do this. Speaking of the Lord, a few years ago, I started believing that he fears and hates what he created. Us. That belief is very strong now. Specifically how he fears us and such. Maybe that's why he rewards evil or lets evil just come by.

The system is broken. You try your absolute hardest to help people, yet in the end, you're the one who gets screwed over. Loopholes, money, excuses. It makes me sick. Makes me wanna puke. Whoever has more money wins. Whoever seems to be more vulnerable when they know exactly what they're doing wins. The endless loopholes of the liars and easily offended win. They all. Fucking. Win. It doesn't feel good. Never does. You're told to kill yourself, you're slandered, you're directly targeted. All by one guy. But allas, they get off scot-free. Life isn't fair, but that's to be expected. When these things happen, you're too afraid what to do next. You're trapped.

You keep thinking and your day becomes ruined. You feel like someone stabbed you and took a vital organ from your body. They play the victim card when they're the perpetrator. It's sickening. They know they're the evil, and if they don't, they're even more evil. The bad get everything and the good get jackshit. That's how it all works. I had faith in God that he could get justice for me, but now, I don't believe that anymore. I've lost my faith, and I'm sorry. Can you blame me? If you were in my boots, you could probably understand.

I'm not getting my faith back anytime soon. Maybe I won't get it ever again. However that doesn't mean you should throw yours out. This is my choice. I encourage those who have faith, no matter how little to keep it. Please. You need it more than I do. I've just simply given up. I'm simply somewhere else. Where exactly? I'm not sure. It's a place full of distractions. Distractions help me. They help me a lot. Friends, games, movies, art, music and ideas. Distractions that make me happy. Meds help too ig, lol. We all live in some sort of distractions, don't we? They're powerful and comforting.

I apologize for the schizo type rant here. I was meaning to make this the very day or the day after I lost my faith, but here I am now. I hope you have a good rest of your day/night. Keep at it.