Busy. Sorry.

I've been playing the remaster, Conker's Live and Reloaded for the past few days and I'm already in love with it. Conker is slowly becoming my new favorite video game mascot-like character.

Sorry not sorry.

Despite the TW, this isn't a cry for help. No. Not at all. I'm still sane and I'm still okay. I highly recommend reading something else if you still have your faith, because things are gonna get depressing.

As implied, a few days ago, I lost my faith. Something came up in the beginning of the month that got my attention later on. It reminded me that no matter what, I can't seek justice for something I'm not allowed to speak on. I believe now that God rewards those who are evil. Despite this belief, I have nothing against God, nor will I question why he chooses to do this. Speaking of the Lord, a few years ago, I started believing that he fears and hates what he created. Us. That belief is very strong now. Specifically how he fears us and such. Maybe that's why he rewards evil or lets evil just come by.

The system is broken. You try your absolute hardest to help people, yet in the end, you're the one who gets screwed over. Loopholes, money, excuses. It makes me sick. Makes me wanna puke. Whoever has more money wins. Whoever seems to be more vulnerable when they know exactly what they're doing wins. The endless loopholes of the liars and easily offended win. They all. Fucking. Win. It doesn't feel good. Never does. You're told to kill yourself, you're slandered, you're directly targeted. All by one guy. But allas, they get off scot-free. Life isn't fair, but that's to be expected. When these things happen, you're too afraid what to do next. You're trapped.

You keep thinking and your day becomes ruined. You feel like someone stabbed you and took a vital organ from your body. They play the victim card when they're the perpetrator. It's sickening. They know they're the evil, and if they don't, they're even more evil. The bad get everything and the good get jackshit. That's how it all works. I had faith in God that he could get justice for me, but now, I don't believe that anymore. I've lost my faith, and I'm sorry. Can you blame me? If you were in my boots, you could probably understand.

I'm not getting my faith back anytime soon. Maybe I won't get it ever again. However that doesn't mean you should throw yours out. This is my choice. I encourage those who have faith, no matter how little to keep it. Please. You need it more than I do. I've just simply given up. I'm simply somewhere else. Where exactly? I'm not sure. It's a place full of distractions. Distractions help me. They help me a lot. Friends, games, movies, art, music and ideas. Distractions that make me happy. Meds help too ig, lol. We all live in some sort of distractions, don't we? They're powerful and comforting.

I apologize for the schizo type rant here. I was meaning to make this the very day or the day after I lost my faith, but here I am now. I hope you have a good rest of your day/night. Keep at it.

fml

As a kid, things like futuristic technology and robots were so cool to me for some reason. Things like Tony Stark's suits or just simple robots. Laser guns, the many classes of droids from Star Wars, super fast spaceships and flying cars. These things can range from the more well known things to the more obscure.

I say it was my autistic hyper-fixation that made me love these things that are still kinda prevalent to this day as a young adult (I’m on the spectrum). Only problem is that I can’t do these ideas justice with the skills I have. I can only imagine. Write them down. Actually, writing down the base ideas wouldn’t be so bad.

Nowadays I’ve gotten into things like DOOM and The Terminator as some of the more futuristic stuff. Just violent stuff ig.

Despite the little joke in my profile, I do kinda think I'm bipolar, or at least have some form of it. I go through mood swings a lot and I have a varying degree of depression, which I combat using medication or by trying to ignoring it. Some friends here and there have suggested jokingly that I do have bipolar disorder, but I dunno. I remember asking my Mom on a trip a month or so ago and she said that I don't have it.

If I'm not experiencing what actual bipolar disorder is, what am I suffering exactly?

Newgrounds may not be the best choice of place to ask these questions, but whatever. It's not like I'm hurting anyone, right?

I've been through Hell and back. The demons there are some of the most loathsome creatures you can think of. Spreading cancer and diseases everywhere they walk, secreting an ooze from their pores that smells rotten. Pungent. Something like everything wrong with the human body times ten. These were once humans, now lost and unforgivable souls left to roam the smelly depths of the underworld.

Some say these humans lost it as soon as they were born. Doomed to fail society and to form in groups of their own kind before dying. Sad saps that could never hold up their own generation. Never contributing to their bloodline. Never getting the right people to help them. They keep on sinking and they love it. They love the feeling of being hurt. Masochists? No. Not exactly. It's humility. They bathe in it. Soak themselves in it. Helps their skin nourish and helps them seep that oh so disgusting fluid from their skin and spread it across the plains of the unholy soil, connecting to the roots of planet Earth.

Where the fuck do you think this certain evil comes from? It was always these monsters. I've walked through Hell and have seen atrocities beyond comprehension. You can only survive. Nothing to defend yourself with. You wander too far in places you shouldn't and you end up there. But you see, I was merely dragged. Curiosity killed the cat, but don't they know cats have nine lives? Killed once. Eight more times to live. You look into the darkest part of something, black as coal, and then something pulls you in. A disgusting wretch of a being. It scares you, but only for a moment. You then realize it's scum. Pathetically evil scum. These demons are made of all the most snobby traits. Hypocrisy, self-absorbent, egotism, just things that look highly upon themselves.

There is no leader. There is no God. There is no Devil to control these things. The Devil left them farther away than God ever did, and that's saying something.

You will never understand my torment. The horrors I've witnessed. Because it's Hell. Hell coming to Earth. The delusional minds have already infested all of us. There can only be carnage and complete idiocy to run rampant now.

So anyways, how's your guys' day been going?